Halcyon
by putyourdukesup
Summary: Finnick is close to death and he's revisiting his entire relationship with Annie.
1. Chapter 1

My body is bloodied, my breaths are ragged and I'm trying to reach for someone who I know is hours away. Doesn't put a stop to the pointed blows I know are due to more than the loss of blood and slice in my neck, leading threateningly to my throat. I'm aching for her to be near, to whisper words of ingenious luxury and soothe my body, take away the pain and to kiss me.

She's all I can think about and I instinctively smile - though I begin to cough at the sudden twitch in my face and it only hurts further. My body can't even handle a simple smile and I feel myself slipping away, my eyes giving away and my heart begging to cease pumping blood and to end my life. It's torture, lying in a place that reeks of rebellion with my clothing soaked in my own draining blood.

I take another ragged breath and close my eyes that I've been told resemble the sea. Her face, her beautiful face is all I can see and all I care to see.

Thinking of her is what urges me to keep fighting for the threads of my life to stay in tact and not to rupture. My breathing even slows and is not as dingy. She's my guiding light and I've known from the moment she first held my hand, her slender and calloused fingers tracing the lines that some believed would tell my fate. From that moment, I knew she was going to be the one I would fight for, the one I would die for.

Die for. If I had the ability, I would have scoffed at the beautiful irony of the thought I once had. Here I was, body contorted oddly and hanging for dear life for [I]her[/I]. Well, her and the child living deep within her stomach that I dream will have my eyes and everything else hers. I want to smile but, I fear I'll cough again and this time, choke on my own blood. Perhaps I'm going crazy, just as they said Annie had. She wasn't crazy and I decided that neither was I.

I could imagine her at the moment. Sitting on the bed we shared, fingers weaving in and out of a disheveled, indolent bit of rope that I kept in a drawer. But, I know she's okay - just worried. I know because my heart doesn't hurt immensely when I think of her.

When I die, I'll feel her discerning torment every moment of her life. Death will be torture when I've been told it's supposed to reflect the life you've lived. Of course, there's a chance my life was viewed as impish and beguiling. Now, I'll be forced to watch as she cries, watches as she holds our child close while I'm allowed to do nothing in the name of consoling her. I won't be allowed to kiss her, to stroke her head as she sleeps against my chest, steady heartbeat sounding in her ears and lulling her closer into a deep sleep that will not be interrupted by nightmares.

With that, I will myself to hold on further - though I know I'm nothing without water and without the proper amount of blood. I almost drift away but, I move a limb and a pain shoots forward in my body. I no longer want to sleep and I no longer feel the increasingly large urge to shut my eyes.

It's then that I decide to think of Annie at all moments in the small amount of time I have left. To remember her lips, the shade and texture of her eyes that reflected her different moods and to remember the way my throat tightened as she pressed clothing to her once stark body. I just remember how beautiful she is and the moment she truly crept up on my and turned everything I knew upside down.

I was lucky that everyone had been obsessed with the beautiful and avant-garde women of the Capitol. I was lucky that Annie was the girl that I had fallen in love with and I knew that the stars had me in their sights the moment she decided to love me in return and marry me.

I was so lucky and I managed a smile despite my throat protesting. I missed her.

The last thing I had told her was that I loved her but, I feared it wasn't going to be enough. I was discouraged at the current, wondering from left to right if when she received the news that I was gone from her life, she would believe that I loved her as much as I did. Annie always did have a strong sense of doubting what was obvious. She believed I loved her but, perhaps she never understood the amount.

But, the letters. Before I had left for the last Games, I wrote her handfuls of letters, telling her the things I remembered about her and loved the most - just in case I was to be slaughtered. I could have wrote a series of books but, I didn't have enough ink. She would find the letters, read them, understand and cling them close to her chest. Maybe she would read them to our baby and kiss their head twice - once for me and once for her.

My breath became ragged again and I knew she wasn't okay as she sat on our bed. She surely had to be crying and holding something that imprisoned my scent. I could feel her discomfort and unless I survived, I would feel it until she died peacefully and returned to me.

My eyes shut closed and my brain went fuzzy but, I was not dead. My heart was beating and Annie's gorgeous being was in my mind. Thank God her face had been engraved into my brain along with her legs, arms, bellybutton, ears. I had taken enough time to study her to help me remember her.

And God did I need to remember her.


	2. Chapter 2

I just remember a faint bit of panic chasing through my system as I looked for her. Of course, the sneaky little girl was nowhere to be found when I needed her the most. My feelings for her were that of a exasperated older brother at that time. I didn't know then what I knew now but, I suppose that was the fun of it all.

We had things to discuss, regarding the outcome of her victory tour. Granted, she wasn't the most stable person in the world and now the entire country knew. The Capitol had decided that she was worthless to them and other than her house and money, stripped her of all the miniscule benefits that the Games had provided her with. I was there to find a way to liberate her reputation and prove to the Capitol that she was worth something.

Walking. That's what I remember doing. I walked for an hour before stumbling across a clandestine area, masked by the high cattails. It was beautiful. So damn beautiful and though it required a little extra push, it was worth it. I saw her just as I was about to rip off my shirt to test the true ability of nature and I stopped in my tracks.

It took me a moment or two to even recognize her without being dolled up by the Capitol. Her hair had lost the coerced curls given by them and she was sporting waves in her brown hair that gave her such a natural look. Her eyes weren't stained with an obnoxious azure that clashed with her eyes rather than pronouncing them. Going natural had caused her entire appearance to change and if I had no sense, I would have let my eyes gloss over her and taken everything in. My senses were high and so, I refused to look longer than to identify her.

"Annie." I called, running a hand through my own wavy hair. Instead of answering, Annie had ignored me, her eyes set out on the water. I repeated her name and still, she didn't even acknowledge me.

I had shrugged and I took a seat next to her, leaving a good foot between us. I was persistent and I wasn't about to give up. "You found a really great spot out here." I commented, knowing she would have nothing to say.

I was right.

"I might have to steal it." I smirked, looking at her and noticing her lip turning upwards lightly. I was making progress but, I didn't press forward.

When she did speak, it was about ten minutes later and her voice was calm but, sad. "I wish I was beautiful."

I had looked at her, eyes narrowed in immense confusion. That was the first moment I had actually gotten a good look at her and my breath was taken away.

I was taking too long with my eyes on her because her head shot towards me and glared lightly.

"You are beautiful." I admitted, shaking my head a bit, looking from her hips and to her eyes, smiling on impact.

I'll never remember the look on her face or the wild smirk on her lips as she quirked an eyebrow. "I'm not going to sleep with you, Finnick Odair."

That was all I was to her and I swallowed back a fair bit of disgrace. That was all she knew me as and assumed that was all I wanted. Sex. "Wouldn't even think of it."

"Good." Somehow, her tone had become afflicted and suspicious instead of soft and naïve as I expected it to be. "What do you want?" Annie's tone was only growing more suspicious.

I pulled my knees closer to my chest and looked out towards the water. "Are you really crazy or do you just want people to assume you are so you don't have to live a Victor's life?"

Instantly, I knew I screwed up because she looked at me and out of the corner of her eyes, I could see hurt. No affliction and no suspicion. Just hurt and welled up tears. "I can hear him."

"Who?" The question shouldn't have been asked and I should have just moved closer and wrapped my arm around her but, I was an idiot.

"Hugo." Tears had began to pour from her eyes and she pulled her knees to her chest, rocking herself gently and muttering things to herself.

Finally, I had done what I needed to do to begin with and moved closer to her, putting my arm across her back. "Annie, it's okay."

In that moment, she stopped crying and stopped muttering things to herself and simply pressed herself closer into me and I nearly panicked. I didn't know what she wanted.

We stayed like that until the sun was setting over the horizon and without another word to me, Annie stood up, picked up her shoes and walked through the high grass back to what I assumed to be her home. I just remember sitting in her spot and holding my own knees to my chest and letting the strong currents take care of my sudden fatigue.

Annie Cresta was definitely not insane as the Capitol thought and she had managed to convince me of that in only a few hours. But, I was no longer in on convincing the Capitol of such a thing. I didn't want them to have her. She was innocent, still and slightly naïve in certain senses. She was no murderer but, a survivor.

However, I was a murderer and certainly no good for. I remember looking down at my hands and remember them stained with blood when I was in the arena. She must remember hiding as the line between reality and her imagination took over. I wonder if she remembers when I was training her, the snide remarks she would make. I wonder if she remembers them like I thankfully did.

Memories are all I have. Memories of sweet, sweet Annie.


	3. Chapter 3

Someone had come for me as I lay in the area where I was attacked and where they left me. I tried not to be bitter and I tried not to hate them. They had left me for dead when all I was doing was trying to protect the girl I was in love with. I was willing to convince myself I cared for none of them.

Bright lights have been assaulting my eyes and they were attaching new items to my body, trying to keep me alive as I slipped in and out of consciousness. They didn't know it but, none of their advances were the reason for my living - Annie was the reason for my living.

Any moment I feel myself slipping away, I just think of how she would run her fingers along my jaw line when I would pretend to sleep just because I wanted to feel her touching me in the most innocent of ways without her getting embarrassed. I would think of the feeling of her fingers through my hair as we were in our secret place, my head in her lap and a radiant smile on her lips. I remember her and suddenly, I can breathe again.

They begin to realize who I am when I fall asleep again and their words fade and the last thing I hear them say is her name. Annie Cresta.

It had been storming outside - which was just as common in District four as a shining sun winking at us all. I had tried to call Annie continuously but, there had been no answer. I knew how much storms scared her since the night she came to my house, crying and I knew she was still scared.

Instead of obsessing over where she was, I settled into the couch and was approaching a deep sleep when a very loud and boisterous knock had swung me into a bitter and restless state of unconsciousness. I opened the door without even a second thought.

"Finn." Annie whispered, her hair damp from the rain and her clothes drenched.

I smiled, moving my hand upwards to let it press against her cheek. "I was worried about you." I asserted, kissing her forehead and gently pulling her inside.

"I was just…"

I cut her off, closing the door behind her, "It's okay. You're here now."

"I was swimming…" Annie alleged in a dazed tone.

I raised an eyebrow, looking down at her, "You haven't been swimming by yourself since…" The Games. I didn't have the heart to say it.

"In the rain." The dazed look on her face faded and yet, she was still smiling.

Instead of replying, I simply laughed and nodded. "Okay, Annie."

She stared at me, her eyes wide with curiosity and her head tilted to the side. "Finn?"

For some reason, I can't keep my eyes off of her and I just smile. "Yeah, Annie?"

"I want you." She spoke in such an innocent manner that I had to do a double take.

I raised an eyebrow and shrugged, hands retreating to my pockets. "I'm right here."

Annie smiled such a coy smile I wasn't sure if it was really her or someone else. She stepped closer to me, her damp hair sticking to neck. "Finn, you think I'm beautiful?"

It's the first time since she's stepped in that I've gotten a proper look at her and I can't help but stare at her. She has on a white shirt that I know she got from me that's been soaked through. What's more, she's wearing absolutely nothing more underneath the shirt and every inch of her torso is showing through.

"Y…you know I do." For some reason, the amount of stuttering makes me blush just a little more than needed but, I have a feeling this newly exposed Annie has something to do with the tint.

Annie only presses forward and she moved closer, her fingers enclosing around my wrist, urging me to remove it from my pocket so she can play with my fingers. "More beautiful than the Capitol girls?"

I smile, looking down at our hands, her fingers grazing against mine. "You're so beautiful, Annie."

From then, it's a blur. Such a fantastic blur that I yearn to remember. I do recall certain moments. I recall her body against mine, suddenly pulling away and proclaiming she doesn't want to disappoint me and that I would be her first. It was a statement that forced my heart to jump to my throat. I was going to be the first and hopefully only person that would see her in such a vulnerable state, so exposed and so ravishing. I remember her arms tight against my neck and her lips against mine, muffling her moans.

What I remember best of all was afterwards, when my forehead was against hers and the dimples in her cheeks showing more prominently than ever. She's so happy and for once in my life - I'm happy and it's not a smile the Capitol painted on my lips. My fingers creep upwards and rest in her hair, twisting and contorting until we both feel comfortable.

"You don't think I'm insane, do you?"

"Oh, I think you're insane." I laughed, kissing her mouth just enough to stop any protests from her. "But, I'm just as insane as you are. So, we're both as okay as we're going to get."

She smiled and her eyes closed, fingers guiding their way along my arm and I feel so comfortable, so content and okay with the world - with our corrupt country. I don't care what we've been through as long as she's here with me.

"Sometimes, I just can't tell what's real and what I've made up in my mind." Annie urges, the tone of her voice nearly splitting my heart in two. "Are you really here with me or is this my imagination?"

I kiss her on the mouth, applying more pressure than I can truly account for. "That's real." I whisper, my lips brushing against hers - we're that close.

This seems to please her because there's no longer a painful tone to her voice that piercing my entire being. "Do you love me, Finn?"

This next question comes as a surprise and so, I don't answer for a few moments. Annie takes this as a bad sign and begins to move away from me. "That's my imagination, isn't it?" Her voice sounds as if she's close to tears and I put my hands on her hips, tugging her closer and closer.

"No. Annie, that's real." The truth hits me as a I speak. "I'm in love with Annie Cresta and nothing is going to change that."

"I love you, Finn."

"I love you, Annie."

The genuine responses repeat themselves until we both fall asleep, her forehead falling against my shoulder and my hands in her hair.

This is my best memory. This is when Annie truly crept up on me. One moment she went to the girl I insisted was like a sister and the next, I was in love with her. She's been my soul mate from as long as I can remember but, this only pressed it to my attention.


	4. Chapter 4

I can hear nothing - not even the small humming of the machines they have attached to me. I see nothing but a dark sheet of blank that's been painted on the inside of my eyelids. I can feel no pain, no beating heart, no coarse fingertips from hours of tying knots. I can't smell the over sanitization, the clean counters or even a faint bit of blood. It's as if all my senses have been dulled and I'm dead - as good as gone. However, I know I'm alive because if I rub my lips together, I taste blood - even if I can't smell it. I must be even closer to death than I was before but, I can't tell if I'm breathing or just flailing uncontrollably. I do all I can and recall her face. Although it's not a happy memory, it keeps me sane, keeps me from focusing on the lack of sound, sight, touch or smell.

Blood dripped from my shoulder and my eyebrows furrowed a million times over as I recalled the distaste I had for the Capitol women. Their fake, porcelain skin, their talon nails that always sinks into my bare back and their fangs that bite into my skin, leaving me nothing more than disgusted.

I always long to think of Annie before, during and after these encounters but, I know better to associate her with such filth and for a moment, I think that I deserve the suffering that's thrown my way.

But, as I sit with just underwear covering my otherwise bare body after the woman had bitten me, scratched me and left me scarred, I think of her. Just the vision of her in my otherwise disgruntled mind is so perfect.

I need to find her and thankfully, after I dress and leave the confines of my bedroom, I don't have to look far because she's right in my living room.

I smile - perhaps too wide and perhaps too much but, I don't care. "Annie." I say, almost breathlessly. She's so refreshing.

"Hello, Finnick." She replied, her voice in its usual daze as she smiled onwards, her fingers dancing magnificently along the fabric of the couch. "Can we play the game?" Her eyes snap to me and she withdraws her hand carefully.

"Of course. What're you confused about?"

"I'm not sure if it was my imagination…" Annie begins, her voice unintentionally trailing off but, I'm used to it and so is she. "But, I think I saw someone leaving your house right now and they weren't exactly…" She pauses.

"Not exactly what?" I dare to ask, almost holding my breath. I don't want her to know, don't want her to dare know my secret.

"She was putting her shirt back on." Her eyebrows knit together as if she's confused and she looks away. "Am I crazy?"

I realize that I'm quiet for a long time because her eyes welt up with tears and her hand begins to shake as if she wants to hit me. I would deserve it. "Finn…" She whispers and that's all I need to hear from her in order for my heart to break.

To make matters worse, the tears begin to fall and she runs out of my house faster than I can process.

I don't know what happens next other than I run after her. All I know is that I love her and you're supposed to pursue those you love even if there's a sliver of chance they might hate you for all you're worth. I'd hate me for all I'm worth.

I find her in the exact spot I know to look. Where the water was perfect and where everything made sense.

"What you saw was real." I said, approaching her and taking her hand in mine.

She doesn't clasp her fingers over mine and she doesn't speak but, I can hear her gasping for a lost breath.

"I have to do it to protect you." I urge, wanting to hold her, wanting to provide some type of comfort to her sobbing body. "They killed my family because I wouldn't be with a woman."

Annie doesn't answer but, I know she's paying attention because she's providing a fair bit of strain again my hand.

"I don't want them to kill you and I know they will. They'll do whatever it takes for me to obey them." I pause, looking down at the ground and I frown lightly. "I love you…"

Finally, a silver lining in such a dark cloud when she speaks, her voice heavy, "I love you." Her fingers slip down between mine and she turns to me with a smile that says she's accepted everything. But, I know I'll have to explain more to her later on.

We lie down and talk, fingers colliding so perfectly and her hair falling over my eyes.

I've never realized that she was my anchor to the world and that she held my sanity to shore just as much as I did to her.

Suddenly, I laugh out loud and she stares at me like I'm the insane one and it only concludes my suspicions. "You've driven me insane, Annie."

She smiles and everything is okay in the world. I can breathe, she can breathe but, The Capitol is watching, their eyes never wavering from our spots.

"They'll never come here again, Annie. And ignore whatever you see on the tv." I can't bare to break her heart.

Suddenly, my senses are no longer so dull and I can feel a sharp pain in my temple. It hurts but, it was better than being worse than numb. Annie, Annie, Annie.


	5. Chapter 5

My eyes push open, throat full of dust and lungs rusted at the brim. My mind has considerably gone in a state of complete scorn and I can't remember anything but the feeling of my hair stretching beyond my roots and falling down past the tips of my ears.

The Capitol no longer cares to keep me groomed and neat to the hints of pinnacle persuasion as I was a rebel, I am a rebel. With my luck, despite my odds of living, they've killed Annie in their last attempts of control. They've always yearned to kill Annie, yearned to slit her throat and watch her blood boil down her porcelain skin.

With the lack of breath slicing into the chambers of my heart, a struggle to stand up nearly knocks me over but, I'm taken by some strength and I stand completely. I recognize the place immediately and the pain of twisting my features nearly knocks the breath out of my system. District Four. I don't bother to reach up and run my hand across my neck where the Mutt nearly ripped it off, knowing my body will have a reaction unlike before.

Perhaps I've died and gone to a sweet heaven. A sweet heaven where the people are kind and their skin is sunkissed and their hair smells of sea salt.

No matter, I've woken up near the pier and without so much as reluctance, I sit back down and let the small waves crash against my feet, sometimes passing over and reaching my knees.

I must have died and gone to heaven. My eyes close and my body leans back, warm grains of sand cozying up to my back like a forgotten friend and I begin to either dream in memories or see more of the life I previously lived.

"I've missed you." I managed to breathe, watching intermittent goosebumps rise against her neck as I make sure to kiss it tenderly, my body behind hers carefully. And I have. I would always miss the girl when I had to leave her, when I had to venture off to the capitol where long nails would dig into my skin and beg me to quicken a pace I didn't even want to keep up with.

Instead of answering, she would take my hands and wrap them around her thin waist, pulling me against her just softly and smile such a radiant smile. She was so pure from the girls who threw themselves at me.

That was another difference between them and my lovely Annie. She never threw herself at me, often shying away from me or even gradually melting into the center of my skin as she would kiss the lobe of my ear.

But I laughed, hugging her close and kissing her neck once more. "Until you say it back, I'm going to assume you didn't miss me." And I would carefully lean in and pepper her neck with kisses as she echoed my laugh, leaning her head back.

"I never miss you and I can swim like a mermaid." Though her tone is joking and sarcastic, I can feel a tug at my heartstrings as a quietly kiss the cap of her shoulder. Annie could once swim much better than I could, often boasting at me when we were little and beating me at swimming contests.

Still, I brush hair behind her ears and kiss her earlobe where she trembles against me just softly. It was her small reactions that kept my heart beating as fast as it did. It was the dimples at the corners of her lips, the shine in her eyes when she would even think of something nice and the way her breath would hitch at the feel of my hands rounding out the small curves of her hips.

"I love you, my beautiful mermaid." I whispered faintly against her ear as the extent of the words nearly bringing me down to my pitiful knees.

Suddenly, a chill runs up my spine and I wake, the moon closer to the earth than it must have been in years and the fatigue sinking from my body as if the sand had seeped it out and sent the poison elsewhere.

I stand and it no longer feels like a dream, no longer feels like a vivid memory or even heaven. No, it can't be heaven because there's still the imperfections that only exist on earth. Like the stench of illegal poaching and the fact that the ocean didn't extend over every part of the earth.

Annie.

All I know is that I run for the miles it takes me to get to the streets, knowing there would be the carefree people wandering the streets that could only come from having been from a career district.

"Annie Odair." I say, gripping the shoulders of an elderly woman and bending my head down to look at her. I shake my head, realizing my own mistake. No one here knew of our marriage. "Annie Cresta."Do you know where Annie Cresta is?"

The elderly woman looked up solemnly at me, nodding as she searched my face. "Poor girl hasn't left their home since the girl on fire brought her home a few months ago. Can't stand the thought of being without that Odair boy."

Home. She was sitting in my house, probably found the letters that I left her under the bed. "I'm Finnick. I'm the Odair boy."

"No. He died during the rebellion. We had a funeral for him here when we got the news."

I shake my head, desperate for some reason. "I'm Finnick. I got attacked but they got called off before I died. I've been trying to make it home to my wife since then."

But the woman doesn't understand, only makes a face of pity and puts her hand on my face and leaves in a slow pace.

And I begin the run again, the amount of energy I gained from the run exuding from my feet and leaving me in such a fatigued state that my hand barely reaches the doorknob. She thinks I'm dead and gone with nothing but stained memories and a tattered name.

My body is in a state of immediate panic and has been. I struggle to open the door but the moment I step inside, I calm. Everything is in the way I left it when we left to go to the reaping and my throat tightens. When Annie's depressed, she just doesn't leave the house, she doesn't leave the bed or even the confines of a specific position.

My breathing deepens and I shake my head, pushing the door open to the bedroom before shaking my head. There she is, lying down with her eyes blinking to the ceiling. My eyes fade to the side of the bed, a pair of clothing fresh in blood and they widen exponentially but, I only move to her.

Climbing into the bed, I wrap my arms around her and shake my head. "Annie, I'm home." And it hits my all at once and I'm grasping her tighter than I didn't think possible. I could be dead, she could be dead.

And yet, there was no response from her, only her turning her head and letting tears fall from such beautiful sea green eyes. "I lost the baby, Finn. This morning." She lets out a sigh and turns her head back to stare at the ceiling. "And I was just thinking about how much I wanted to die and to be with you for just a little longer." It was almost a short, hysterical laugh that left her lips. "Usually no one listens to my prayers but they must want me with you an awful lot if they let me die so easy."

"Not real." I murmured, shaking my head and sitting up, staring at her. "Not real. I'm home and you're home."

"Yes." She says quietly, hands covered in her own blood. "We're home and there's no more war. Heaven is nice, isn't it?"


End file.
